~Life, I suppose~

Christmas is in five days...

   In five days our kids will be seeing presents under the tree, eating ham, spending time together and grumbling about being pinched, poked and prodded. I opened the half-dozen cards we received over the weekend and one was from my brother. The last time we spoke, well, we weren't speaking. He was yelling horribly hurtful things, I hung up on him and ended up throwing my cell phone across the kitchen. That was on August 16th and we haven't spoken since. This morning I also read a message from my sister..."I love you and miss you dearly". Couldn't help but laugh. The holidays are sure making them sentimental. I wonder if she remembers telling me that I was weak because I am still affected by my childhood, and as for the memories of our father sexually molesting me, her words were "just get over it". A lifelong friend turns away in anger over minor disagreement, leaving me confused and hurt.

   No desire to reconcile and repair, relationships thrown away like discarded wrapping paper. Is it the season? Is it the darkness of this holiday? What can be causing this blanket of black mood? Well, I've chosen to walk away. Reaching out has not worked, so I turn away and live my life without these individuals.

   Goodbye to my siblings...goodbye dear friend. Good luck to each of you. I cannot leave my heart broken...
that's life, I suppose.